I Have Learned Not To Hold People Hostage To Who TheyUsed To Be

I’ve learned not to hold people hostage to who they used to be. We all carry versions of ourselves that no longer fit—the mistakes we made, the things we didn’t know, the pain we caused when we didn’t yet understand our own.

I’ve seen how easily someone can be reduced to their worst moment, how quickly a past version becomes the only version others choose to remember. But the truth is, people outgrow their old skin. They stumble, they learn, and if life allows, they try to do better. We all have chapters we wish we could rewrite. That doesn’t mean we haven’t earned the right to start a new one.

I’ve watched friends become softer, more patient. I’ve seen people who once lived in chaos become anchors for others. Growth isn’t always loud or dramatic—it’s often quiet, steady, unglamorous. But it’s real. And when we dismiss someone for who they were, we miss out on who they’ve worked so hard to become.

No one should be permanently defined by a version of themselves they’ve already outgrown. We’re all in motion, figuring things out, trying again. And if we can give that grace to ourselves, we should be willing to offer it to others too.