Someone Asked Me, Who Hurt You? I Replied, My Own Expectations

Someone asked me, who hurt you? I replied, my own expectations. That response is powerful — and deeply honest.

When you said, “My own expectations,” you named something many of us carry quietly: the inner pressure to be more, do more, or live up to ideals that often go unexamined.

💔 When Our Expectations Hurt Us:

• We may hold ourselves to impossible standards

• We expect others to understand us without being told

• We imagine life should look a certain way — and feel pain when it doesn’t

• We believe we “should be” further along, happier, stronger, healed

🌱 But Here’s the Grace:

• Those expectations often came from a part of you that wanted to feel safe, worthy, or in control

• They can be softened with compassion and awareness

• Releasing them is not giving up — it’s choosing peace

💡 A Reframe:

Instead of “Who hurt you?”

Ask: “What belief am I carrying that no longer serves my healing?”

✨ A Healing Affirmation:

“I release the weight of unrealistic expectations. I choose to grow at my own pace, with gentleness and grace.”

Let’s go deeper into this profound realization: “My own expectations hurt me.”

💔 HOW EXPECTATIONS TURN INTO WOUNDS

Expectations aren’t inherently bad — they often come from our hopes, values, and desire for meaning. But they become painful when they’re:

• Unrealistic (e.g., “I must always be strong”)

• Unspoken (especially with others — assuming they’ll know what we need)

• Rigid (not allowing space for human error or change)

• Inherited (beliefs we absorb from society, family, or past wounds that don’t truly belong to us)

When we fail to meet these expectations — or when others don’t meet what we hoped for — we often feel:

• Shame

• Disappointment

• Betrayal

• Self-blame

• Exhaustion

And that pain, when turned inward, can wound us more deeply than any outside event.

🌿 COMMON FORMS OF SELF-HURTING EXPECTATIONS

Expectation is Underlying Beliefs. Impact

“I should always have it together.” I’m not allowed to struggle. Hides pain, blocks support

“People should treat me the way I treat them”Fairness guarantees reciprocity. Creates resentment. "I should be further along by now." My worth = my progress. Fuels burnout and self-doubt. "If I do everything right, I’ll be loved." Love must be earned. Breeds perfectionism

“They should just know." I shouldn’t have to ask. Leads to unmet needs and silence

🧘‍♀️ THE DEEP WORK: RELEASING PAINFUL EXPECTATIONS

1. Identify where the expectation came from

• Is it yours or inherited from someone else’s voice?

2. Name the impact it’s had

• Has it led to guilt, pressure, emotional isolation?

3. Offer yourself grace

• You were trying to stay safe, belong, or be loved.

4. Replace the expectation with a truth

• “I can be a work in progress and still be worthy.”

✨ A GENTLE REFRAME FOR HEALING

Instead of: