Every Fiber Of My Being Aches For The Luxury Of Unbidden Time✨

It feels like time is broken and limited. Someone or something is perpetually crouched, just beyond my peripheral view, watching and waiting for precisely the right, quiet moment. Coiled like a spring. Ready to launch a demand or ask a question or voice an opinion or infer an obligation. Relentless, unending scrutiny.

In the absence of that, man-made, electronic noise endlessly drones on in the background creating a brain-buzzing static that filters down into every nerve and fiber of the body reflexively producing unending, low-level tension and a state of distracted awareness and perpetual razor’s edge ‘red alert’ rigidity within.

There are no great swaths of time and ‘nothing-ness’ or a personal vacuum just for me.

All waking hours are fragmented into little pieces. Sharp-edged, glass-like shards that prohibit concentration, flow, and contemplation.

Outside forces shred calming mental spaces into ragged, bloody pieces like the claws of a lion mauling its prey. Devouring me and still unsatisfied. Greedily seeking MORE.

Ideas, creation, inspiration and imagination require soft, smooth edges and invisible horizons as fertile ground in order to germinate, stretch, mutate, evolve and create endless kaleidoscope-like patterns that may, or may not, become ‘something.’

Visions that may develop, do so organically. Evolving at their own pace, in satisfyingly dream-like and effortless slow motion. If allowed, they continue eternally as nothing but endless, random vistas within the mind’s eye. Formless and intangible yet magically more vibrant and ‘real’ – felt and KNOWN - than this flat, dull state we call ‘reality’.

In this space wonder is born. Deeper and richer and beyond dreams. That which cannot be created with conscious thought coalesces effortlessly. Subconscious gifts drifting down from the ether. Collected by one’s soul and absorbed within one’s DNA.

Wisdom and insight. Secrets and knowing. Undefined and formless. New yet always part of me. Eternal. Without the need to possess or attach. I am grateful.

My mind longs to rest without thinking or obligation. Without the need to label, identify, anticipate or respond.

Every fiber of my being aches for the luxury of unbidden time.

Photo credit: Asako Eguchi