Most of the issues in people’s relationships or dating lives come down to certain adult communication skills that we haven’t fully developed yet - mostly because they aren't taught to us.
There’s a lot of talk about communication, but very little practical & effective training around this stuff.
An example is when we are children, it's normal to expect our parents to figure out what we need and give it to us.
It's normal to then throw a tantrum if it doesn't happen.
We don't have to communicate anything - we just exist, and everything is sorted out.
As a child - this ideally works out well.
As an adult - it's a disaster.
As adults, if we don't learn how to communicate effectively to get our needs met, our unconscious expectations will be constantly disappointed.
We may blame other people for this - saying they just aren't right for us.
We may blame them for being defensive - even though we are communicating in unhealthy ways.
We may say things like "my partner should know" and "how could you not know that?".
Or, we will use ineffective communication tools like Demands, Ultimatums, and Guilt Trips.
Our hurt inner child is struggling big time to get his or her important needs met - due to a lack of clear guidance on what to do and how to do it.
If we want healthy, loving, adult-to-adult relationships, we need to invest in making that a reality.
We don’t expect a business venture or a new project will magically work out on its own - so why do so many do that with relationships?
Old skills, old approaches, and wishful thinking = same old results. I've seen this in many cases.
To honour our fundamental human need for healthy relationships, we have to resource ourselves with compassionate guidance, skills and new tools.
A healthy relationship doesn’t simply come into our lives - we ALIGN with it by learning new skills, so we can then co-create new realities in our lives.
There is nothing as beautiful and as healing as a conscious, authentic, soulful partnership with two people who are truly invested in making that their reality.
People who took the time to work on the things that make the biggest difference:
- Navigating their emotions in healthy ways
- Learning how to work with anger & resentment
- Communicating needs in healthy ways, and
- Learning how to manage conflict.
It's never too late to learn these skills. It just takes practice.
That part is the most important: You can gather all the information in the world, yet it’s often not until people start practicing it in realistic and safe ways that things start to change.
This is what helps to enjoy the most rewarding, expansive and beautiful partnerships of their lives.
This is what helps them to get off the healing merry-go-round, where they have been trying a 100 different things,
And finally be able to get on with their lives with ease and simplicity, enjoying all the benefits that true intimacy brings into their lives.
- Serdar Hararovich